So it's been awhile since my last post. I guess you could say I have been having a Moses time. I have withdrawn from the Christian community and gone up the mountain, so to speak. I needed to get honest with myself about my faith and beliefs. I see those as two separate things. Does that make sense? I think we can have faith in the saving grace of Jesus, but still question our beliefs.

Well, I told God flat out that I didn't feel Him. I don't feel the Holy Spirit inside. I don't have much reason at all, really, to have faith in Him. I have this old book with a bunch of stories, and a world full of people that say they believe in basically the same things. I told God I had to be honest and step away a try to look at this from the outside. See I grew up in a Christian home, and sometimes I feel as if I simply believe because that's what I was taught. I needed to rethink this whole thing, if I was going to be honest with myself and others.

What I found scared me a little. It basically seemed ridiculous. We trust in this book of stories, passed down through centuries. In my pragmatic mind, the bible is like a giant fairy tale. It's like I have put my faith in The Lord of the Rings. I told God this. It scared me how silly we sound. My dad is a very realistic fellow. He watches westerns, some comedy, but has no use for fantasy, sci-fi, or anything not grounded in the real world. Well, the idea that he believes in this bible and all it's stories struck me as odd. So there I was, looking at the idea of Christianity as an odd and a fairy tale of a belief system. But let me fast forward to where I am at now.

I hold on to my faith in Jesus. I won't say my faith is strong, I won't say I believe "without a shadow of a doubt", to use a detesting phrase an old pastor of my used to get people saved. And don't ask me why I have faith. I won't be able to answer. I just do. Perhaps because I need some sort of hope. It certainly isn't because of warm and fuzzy feelings I have or any revelations from God. I certainly haven't seen the Red Sea part. But nonetheless, I hold on to my faith.

As I have started reentering the Christian scene with these thoughts, I am finding others in the exact same boat as me. They have faith simply to have faith. No special touch from God needed to believe. Perhaps this is the purest form of faith there is. Faith without any cause to believe. Although I thought this faith weak, and fragile, thinking the smallest wave could crush it, I am finding it to be extraordinarily resilient, and somewhat untouchable. For if I belief simply for no good reason, what could tear that from me?

Well, perhaps I'll go into more detail later about some of my thoughts during the past few months.

In Christ,
Cory