Give it Up

So I have been struggling lately. I head a song on Air 1 radio that spoke to me. The song reflected on a man who hadn't prayed in a week. A man who was really stumbling and struggling with his relationship with Christ.

I guess that's me the past few days. Distractions tend to get me....well.....distracted. I have been on the road traveling, my wife has been on emergency call (she's a vet), I have been rereading an old book, Friday Night Lights, and it just seems I am always preoccupied with something.

Not that any of this is an excuse. But yet, I have been excused. It's humbling. To know that I have been forgiven of sin, yet I don't deserve it. I guess this is what gets me down. When I "get distracted" and let my relationship with Jesus slide, I tend to get down on myself. I tell myself not to try again; that I will only hurt the One I am trying to please. And, I will role in this stinkhole for sometimes days, and sometimes years. But, then it hits me.

I believe the problem is two-fold, and strangely enough, would only be made apparent through my fall.

FIRST I SET MYSELF UP: I start growing in the Lord. I dive into His word, and spend time on my knees. I begin to feel invincible, and rightly so.

Phi 4:13 MKJV (13) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Soon, though, I neglect something, maybe it's a scheduled prayer time, or study time. But it's ok, remember Phil 4:13. Oh man, I just lost the meaning of the verse. I just cut out the second half. But it doesn't register right away. So I begin neglecting the relationship. Then I find myself in sin. Perhaps it's not having patience with people, not loving my enemies, or maybe something more serious. At some point though, I'll come to the realization that I am not living the way I should.

THIS STARTS MY SECOND PROBLEM: I realize I need to straighten up. I ask myself, "Why?" If I'm just going to fail, why try? Why hurt the One I am trying to serve. So I start to give up. (It's not until later I realize the wrongness of this argument. I'll explain in a minute.)
I usually completely quit walking with the Lord. I quit. But then the Holy Spirit begins to talk to me. He urges me to talk to Him. I try to ignore it but eventually I succumb. Sometimes it only takes a couple of days, like this week. Sometimes it takes a few years.

But it doesn't stop there. I am dumb I guess. I'll try to get it right. I try to do what's right, but I miserably fail. Sometimes this will send me further into the abyss. But sometimes, I see the light quickly, such as this week.

See, there is nothing you or I can do to better our position in God's eyes. We were so hopelessly in the abyss, that God sacrificed His son, so that we wouldn't have to work our way out. We got a free ride out. We simply have to trust in Jesus. So I humble myself before God, tell Jesus He is my only hope, and drop into His arms.

Now I get it. First, I must realize that my only hope is Jesus. I remember the second half of Phil 4:13. This is the only reason I am able to have a change in my life. I proved I can't do it on my own. Secondly, I must hold on to the humbleness. Spending time on my knees helps. Sometimes gazing into space helps. Anything to keep me humbled.

Folks, I hope these words might help you. Give it up. At whatever point in your walk with Jesus, remember to give it up...to Him that is.

In Christ