Been a while.  Just read Ravi Zacharias' "Can Man Live Without God?"  May have been a life changer for me.

Divide and Conquer

I've started a new blog. I think it will be a broader, more honest view of my life. check it out at I'll probably spend more time over there for a little while anyway.

Don't Mean to be Boastfull....

...But I'm heading to Hawaii this weekend. I'll be in the South Pacific for a week. I am ready for this one. My father-in-law was a Marine sniper in Vietnam and his group is having a reunion there. So the wife and I are tagging along. There are about a million things I would like to do, but I think everything is so doggone expensive. Perhaps I'll just lay on the beach for 5 straight days.

Over and Out.

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

Life has been pretty busy lately with our company move to Lubbock. It's somewhat exciting though. I'm looking forward to a very short drive to work for the first time in my career. I'm also looking forward to eating lunch with my wife, rather than sit at the United Supermarket eating area, with my two slices of pizza, large diet Dr. Pepper, and whatever book I happen to have at the moment.

However, the prospect of being a police officer is still shadowing any excitement about this move, almost to the point of not getting my current work done.

Personality Test

So I do this search and find this personlity test online. I thought it was interesting how it gauged several different areas of my personality. Check it out.


Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion |||||||||||||||| 63%
Stability |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Orderliness |||||||||| 36%
Empathy |||||||||||| 43%
Interdependence |||| 16%
Intellectual |||||||||||| 43%
Mystical |||||| 23%
Artistic || 10%
Religious |||||||||||||||| 70%
Hedonism |||||| 23%
Materialism || 10%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 70%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Work ethic |||| 16%
Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Need to dominate |||||||||||| 50%
Romantic |||||||||||| 43%
Avoidant |||||||||| 36%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56%
Wealth |||||| 30%
Dependency |||||| 30%
Change averse |||||||||||| 43%
Cautiousness |||||||||||| 50%
Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 50%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Food indulgent |||||||||||| 50%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 43%
Paranoia |||||||||||||| 56%
Vanity |||||||||||| 43%
Hypersensitivity || 10%
Female cliche |||||| 23%


Stability results were very high which suggests you are extremely relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.


trait snapshot:

messy, disorganized, social, tough, outgoing, rarely worries, self revealing, open, risk taker, likes the unknown, likes large parties, makes friends easily, likes to stand out, likes to make fun of people, reckless, optimistic, positive, strong, does not like to be alone, ambivalent about chaos, abstract, impractical, not good at saving money, fearless, trusting, thrill seeker, not rule conscious, enjoys leadership, strange, loves food, abstract, rarely irritated, anti-authority, attracted to the counter culture

My Girl

This little two year old of mine is something else. This past weekend we were at the mall. My wife, her mom, my daughter, and me, all wandering around in this mall, being conjoled to spend money at every turn. Well, while in some department store, my wife and her mom are looking at clothes so I take Audrey to the escalator. I get very nervous with my girl around this thing.

When I was young, I had an accident with one of these things. I don't have much of a memory from that time. I only remember being pulled into the women's restroom and washing my bloody hands in the sink. I remember thinking how ackward I felt in the women's restroom. I find that very strange. You would think a little toddler who will barely remember anything at all, being so young, would feel ackward in there. I'm not sure exactly how things turned sour, but somehow got my fingers caught inbetween the actual moving stair and the department store floor it disappeared under. Each of my fingers has several scars from this incedent.

So, my daughter loves these things, and I let her ride it, but I hold her hand. In my other hand are several bags full of purchases already made. Well, going down, and preoccupied by keeping her safe, I hear someone cry out "look out!" I hear a bunch of crackling, as if someone is tearing into their Christmas present. I turn around and see this giant bed comforter bag bouncing down the escalator. For an instance, I felt like Indiana Jones running from the giant boulder. I could have reached for my whip if I had one. All I had was a shoulder and wide stance to take the blow. I guess I did my job. Audrey never even noticed what was going on.

This isn't Helping

Ok, so I was reading up on my personality traits based on this silly test. Check this out. I have higlighted the...interesting...areas.

ESTPs have some advantageous traits which are unique to their personality type. Their skills of observation make them extremely good at correctly analyzing and assessing other peoples' motives or perspectives. Their people skills allow them to use this knowledge to their advantage while interacting with people. For this reason, ESTPs are excellent salespeople. They also have a special ability to react quickly and effectively to an immediate need, such as in an emergency or crisis situation. This is a valuable skill in many different professions, perhaps most notably in action-oriented professions, such as police work. ESTPs enjoy new experiences and dealing with people, and dislike being confined in structured or regimented environments. They also want to see an immediate result for their actions, and don't like dealing with a lot of high-level theory where that won't be the case. For these reasons, they should choose careers which involve a lot of interaction with people, and do not require performing a lot of routine, detailed tasks.

Notice two posts below. So you see my dilema?

Blog Personality Sorter

OK, so I am adding my blog to this link. It sorts out blogs by personality types. I took an online MTIB test and found that Iam 50/50 ESTP and ISTP. Hmmm. Reflective of the fact that I am a salesman but don't pursue relationships. Reflective of one of my mottos, "if it weren't for the people, the general public would be enjoyable."

Fork in the Road

YEEEEEHAAAAAW

I owned this game as a kid. It was a stupid little board game. You had several cars to choose, the General Lee, Roscoe's police car, Cooter's tow truck, etc etc: not unlike Monopoly. The twist in this game involved choosing a particular road. You could choose the highway, and risk running into cops but have a shorter distance to travel. Or you could take the dirt roads, which involved minimal risks but was a much longer path. Once you're path was chosen, simply roll the dice and start moving around the board.

Well, I've come to a similar scenario in my life. So far, I have been traveling down an easy path. I sell irrigation pumps in the plains of Texas and beyond. I started out in pump sales in Houston, got laid off, got a better job which involved less commuting, doing the same work. Then I moved north to Lubbock, and now manage a region. In my interview for my first job, I could have been asked, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years." I would have answered, selling in West Texas.

Well, here I am. I met my goal. But lately I've been getting this sinking feeling. Not in my gut, but for my career. Where do I go from here? I don't want to move from the area. I don't want to manage the facility I work at. And frankly, I don't want to sell pumps to farmers forever. I guess I am feeling stuck. No goals, no incentives.

Let me give a bit more of background. Since I have been with this company in outside sales, I have busted my quoted three years, and received "Service Sales of the Year" award. I made a few bucks two years ago. But then the company took away our company vehicles and gave us a halfhearted allowance to go get our own. Then they took away much of our commission in some reorganization. Basically, I'm not getting paid near as much now for doing the same amount of work.

It's getting harder and harder to get up for this job. Am I whining enough yet?

Well, a few weeks ago I got distracted by another career possibility: policeman. Upon a little investigation, I find that in the same amount of time as I have spent in the pump business, I could have been making the same amount of money on the police force. Well, everything about being a policeman appeals to my innermost being. I don't want to put myself in danger, but the I guess the means might justify the end. I've always considered a life as a soldier or policeman. I just simply chose engineering because it was respected, and I am decent in math. It was sorta the thing to do.

So I bring this up to my wife. That may have not been the best idea. Have you read my last post? Basically when it comes to interests and hobbies, I have ADD. Well, my wife certainly has picked up on my habits. She totally blows me off, and says no. As if I was asking her permission?! I wasn't asking or telling. I simply wanted to talk about what I was feeling. So now I'm clammed up around her, I feel unhappy in my job, and considering a new one: a dangerous, long hours, initially low paying one at that.

Good grief, as Charlie Brown would say. Man, so here I am, praying to God to take this desire from me. It's eating me alive. Worse, my wife's brother is a policeman just two hours away. He unwittingly gets me all worked up too. So what's next? Suck it up? Change careers, take a lower pay for a while, along with longer hours, a dangerous environment? I don't know. Luckily, the next hiring period isn't until the fall, so I can't make any rash decisions.

It's just difficult to sort all these emotions and thoughts out in my head. Writing them down here helps me sort 'em a bit.