Fork in the Road

YEEEEEHAAAAAW

I owned this game as a kid. It was a stupid little board game. You had several cars to choose, the General Lee, Roscoe's police car, Cooter's tow truck, etc etc: not unlike Monopoly. The twist in this game involved choosing a particular road. You could choose the highway, and risk running into cops but have a shorter distance to travel. Or you could take the dirt roads, which involved minimal risks but was a much longer path. Once you're path was chosen, simply roll the dice and start moving around the board.

Well, I've come to a similar scenario in my life. So far, I have been traveling down an easy path. I sell irrigation pumps in the plains of Texas and beyond. I started out in pump sales in Houston, got laid off, got a better job which involved less commuting, doing the same work. Then I moved north to Lubbock, and now manage a region. In my interview for my first job, I could have been asked, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years." I would have answered, selling in West Texas.

Well, here I am. I met my goal. But lately I've been getting this sinking feeling. Not in my gut, but for my career. Where do I go from here? I don't want to move from the area. I don't want to manage the facility I work at. And frankly, I don't want to sell pumps to farmers forever. I guess I am feeling stuck. No goals, no incentives.

Let me give a bit more of background. Since I have been with this company in outside sales, I have busted my quoted three years, and received "Service Sales of the Year" award. I made a few bucks two years ago. But then the company took away our company vehicles and gave us a halfhearted allowance to go get our own. Then they took away much of our commission in some reorganization. Basically, I'm not getting paid near as much now for doing the same amount of work.

It's getting harder and harder to get up for this job. Am I whining enough yet?

Well, a few weeks ago I got distracted by another career possibility: policeman. Upon a little investigation, I find that in the same amount of time as I have spent in the pump business, I could have been making the same amount of money on the police force. Well, everything about being a policeman appeals to my innermost being. I don't want to put myself in danger, but the I guess the means might justify the end. I've always considered a life as a soldier or policeman. I just simply chose engineering because it was respected, and I am decent in math. It was sorta the thing to do.

So I bring this up to my wife. That may have not been the best idea. Have you read my last post? Basically when it comes to interests and hobbies, I have ADD. Well, my wife certainly has picked up on my habits. She totally blows me off, and says no. As if I was asking her permission?! I wasn't asking or telling. I simply wanted to talk about what I was feeling. So now I'm clammed up around her, I feel unhappy in my job, and considering a new one: a dangerous, long hours, initially low paying one at that.

Good grief, as Charlie Brown would say. Man, so here I am, praying to God to take this desire from me. It's eating me alive. Worse, my wife's brother is a policeman just two hours away. He unwittingly gets me all worked up too. So what's next? Suck it up? Change careers, take a lower pay for a while, along with longer hours, a dangerous environment? I don't know. Luckily, the next hiring period isn't until the fall, so I can't make any rash decisions.

It's just difficult to sort all these emotions and thoughts out in my head. Writing them down here helps me sort 'em a bit.