THE SWORD'S PATH

Divide and Conquer

2005-06-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

I've started a new blog. I think it will be a broader, more honest view of my life. check it out at I'll probably spend more time over there for a little while anyway.

Don't Mean to be Boastfull....

2005-05-06T14:10:00.000-07:00

...But I'm heading to Hawaii this weekend. I'll be in the South Pacific for a week. I am ready for this one. My father-in-law was a Marine sniper in Vietnam and his group is having a reunion there. So the wife and I are tagging along. There are about a million things I would like to do, but I think everything is so doggone expensive. Perhaps I'll just lay on the beach for 5 straight days.

Over and Out.

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

2005-04-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

Life has been pretty busy lately with our company move to Lubbock. It's somewhat exciting though. I'm looking forward to a very short drive to work for the first time in my career. I'm also looking forward to eating lunch with my wife, rather than sit at the United Supermarket eating area, with my two slices of pizza, large diet Dr. Pepper, and whatever book I happen to have at the moment.

However, the prospect of being a police officer is still shadowing any excitement about this move, almost to the point of not getting my current work done.

Personality Test

2005-04-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

So I do this search and find this personlity test online. I thought it was interesting how it gauged several different areas of my personality. Check it out.

Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion |||||||||||||||| 63%
Stability |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Orderliness |||||||||| 36%
Empathy |||||||||||| 43%
Interdependence |||| 16%
Intellectual |||||||||||| 43%
Mystical |||||| 23%
Artistic || 10%
Religious |||||||||||||||| 70%
Hedonism |||||| 23%
Materialism || 10%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 70%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Work ethic |||| 16%
Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Need to dominate |||||||||||| 50%
Romantic |||||||||||| 43%
Avoidant |||||||||| 36%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56%
Wealth |||||| 30%
Dependency |||||| 30%
Change averse |||||||||||| 43%
Cautiousness |||||||||||| 50%
Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 50%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Food indulgent |||||||||||| 50%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 43%
Paranoia |||||||||||||| 56%
Vanity |||||||||||| 43%
Hypersensitivity || 10%
Female cliche |||||| 23%

Stability results were very high which suggests you are extremely relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:

messy, disorganized, social, tough, outgoing, rarely worries, self revealing, open, risk taker, likes the unknown, likes large parties, makes friends easily, likes to stand out, likes to make fun of people, reckless, optimistic, positive, strong, does not like to be alone, ambivalent about chaos, abstract, impractical, not good at saving money, fearless, trusting, thrill seeker, not rule conscious, enjoys leadership, strange, loves food, abstract, rarely irritated, anti-authority, attracted to the counter culture

My Girl

2005-04-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

This little two year old of mine is something else. This past weekend we were at the mall. My wife, her mom, my daughter, and me, all wandering around in this mall, being conjoled to spend money at every turn. Well, while in some department store, my wife and her mom are looking at clothes so I take Audrey to the escalator. I get very nervous with my girl around this thing.

When I was young, I had an accident with one of these things. I don't have much of a memory from that time. I only remember being pulled into the women's restroom and washing my bloody hands in the sink. I remember thinking how ackward I felt in the women's restroom. I find that very strange. You would think a little toddler who will barely remember anything at all, being so young, would feel ackward in there. I'm not sure exactly how things turned sour, but somehow got my fingers caught inbetween the actual moving stair and the department store floor it disappeared under. Each of my fingers has several scars from this incedent.

So, my daughter loves these things, and I let her ride it, but I hold her hand. In my other hand are several bags full of purchases already made. Well, going down, and preoccupied by keeping her safe, I hear someone cry out "look out!" I hear a bunch of crackling, as if someone is tearing into their Christmas present. I turn around and see this giant bed comforter bag bouncing down the escalator. For an instance, I felt like Indiana Jones running from the giant boulder. I could have reached for my whip if I had one. All I had was a shoulder and wide stance to take the blow. I guess I did my job. Audrey never even noticed what was going on.

This isn't Helping

2005-04-14T11:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I was reading up on my personality traits based on this silly test. Check this out. I have higlighted the...interesting...areas.

ESTPs have some advantageous traits which are unique to their personality type. Their skills of observation make them extremely good at correctly analyzing and assessing other peoples' motives or perspectives. Their people skills allow them to use this knowledge to their advantage while interacting with people. For this reason, ESTPs are excellent salespeople. They also have a special ability to react quickly and effectively to an immediate need, such as in an emergency or crisis situation. This is a valuable skill in many different professions, perhaps most notably in action-oriented professions, such as police work. ESTPs enjoy new experiences and dealing with people, and dislike being confined in structured or regimented environments. They also want to see an immediate result for their actions, and don't like dealing with a lot of high-level theory where that won't be the case. For these reasons, they should choose careers which involve a lot of interaction with people, and do not require performing a lot of routine, detailed tasks.

Notice two posts below. So you see my dilema?

Blog Personality Sorter

2005-04-14T11:12:00.000-07:00

OK, so I am adding my blog to this link. It sorts out blogs by personality types. I took an online MTIB test and found that Iam 50/50 ESTP and ISTP. Hmmm. Reflective of the fact that I am a salesman but don't pursue relationships. Reflective of one of my mottos, "if it weren't for the people, the general public would be enjoyable."

Fork in the Road

2005-04-14T08:04:00.000-07:00

YEEEEEHAAAAAW

I owned this game as a kid. It was a stupid little board game. You had several cars to choose, the General Lee, Roscoe's police car, Cooter's tow truck, etc etc: not unlike Monopoly. The twist in this game involved choosing a particular road. You could choose the highway, and risk running into cops but have a shorter distance to travel. Or you could take the dirt roads, which involved minimal risks but was a much longer path. Once you're path was chosen, simply roll the dice and start moving around the board.

Well, I've come to a similar scenario in my life. So far, I have been traveling down an easy path. I sell irrigation pumps in the plains of Texas and beyond. I started out in pump sales in Houston, got laid off, got a better job which involved less commuting, doing the same work. Then I moved north to Lubbock, and now manage a region. In my interview for my first job, I could have been asked, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years." I would have answered, selling in West Texas.

Well, here I am. I met my goal. But lately I've been getting this sinking feeling. Not in my gut, but for my career. Where do I go from here? I don't want to move from the area. I don't want to manage the facility I work at. And frankly, I don't want to sell pumps to farmers forever. I guess I am feeling stuck. No goals, no incentives.

Let me give a bit more of background. Since I have been with this company in outside sales, I have busted my quoted three years, and received "Service Sales of the Year" award. I made a few bucks two years ago. But then the company took away our company vehicles and gave us a halfhearted allowance to go get our own. Then they took away much of our commission in some reorganization. Basically, I'm not getting paid near as much now for doing the same amount of work.

It's getting harder and harder to get up for this job. Am I whining enough yet?

Well, a few weeks ago I got distracted by another career possibility: policeman. Upon a little investigation, I find that in the same amount of time as I have spent in the pump business, I could have been making the same amount of money on the police force. Well, everything about being a policeman appeals to my innermost being. I don't want to put myself in danger, but the I guess the means might justify the end. I've always considered a life as a soldier or policeman. I just simply chose engineering because it was respected, and I am decent in math. It was sorta the thing to do.

So I bring this up to my wife. That may have not been the best idea. Have you read my last post? Basically when it comes to interests and hobbies, I have ADD. Well, my wife certainly has picked up on my habits. She totally blows me off, and says no. As if I was asking her permission?! I wasn't asking or telling. I simply wanted to talk about what I was feeling. So now I'm clammed up around her, I feel unhappy in my job, and considering a new one: a dangerous, long hours, initially low paying one at that.

Good grief, as Charlie Brown would say. Man, so here I am, praying to God to take this desire from me. It's eating me alive. Worse, my wife's brother is a policeman just two hours away. He unwittingly gets me all worked up too. So what's next? Suck it up? Change careers, take a lower pay for a while, along with longer hours, a dangerous environment? I don't know. Luckily, the next hiring period isn't until the fall, so I can't make any rash decisions.

It's just difficult to sort all these emotions and thoughts out in my head. Writing them down here helps me sort 'em a bit.

2005-04-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

I go through these spurts of blogging. Sometimes, I am really into it. Sometimes I could care less. I find I spend more time reading other people's blog more than writing my own. However, I may have found why.

It's not that I don't thoroughly enjoy writing. I do. I think my brain channel surfs consistently. My interest will focus on something for a while and then suddenly shift, leaving the last interest in a wake of direction changes. It's sort of like that big eye in Lord of the Rings. Remember how it simply sat there on that tower and scanned the country? It would focus on something for a moment and then move on. Well my interest do the same thing.

Take for instance, my Christian walk. I read those Left Behind books and I was suddenly all about preparing for the rapture. I bought books, t-shirts, told other people, etc etc. I even had a dream about it, and posted somewhere in here. Before that, I was all about Spiderman. I have shirts, comics, novelties, etc. Before that it was mountain biking...that cost me a bit of money. Now I am on this military kick. I see the latest gadgets like sunglasses that convert to military grade goggles, Navy SEAL issue boots, night scopes, etc and I want them. I am finding that this remote control (my brain) has been programmed though. You know that button that allows you to input your favorite channels, so that you don't have to flip through the cooking and Hispanic channels. Well, I do have a few interests that have stuck with me: camping, mountain biking, and writing.

However, this surfing affects my writing. I have started a few books in my life. But I typically write about my interests. However, with interests that have life spans shorter than a housefly, I have a hard time finishing any creative piece. Thank God for my patient wife, who endures my endless pursuit of a lifelong hobby.

I think this may all stem from an unfulfilling work environment. Who knows. Well, I'll write again when I get back to this channel.

Yu Lookin' atme?

2005-03-22T20:43:00.000-08:00

Here's some deer taking advantage of a fenced up abandoned compressor station. It's a staring contest but the deer won. I love this digital camara! I feel like a media whiz. Here I am snapping pictures while on a business trip. I log onto my blogger at the hotel, download the picture and publish my post. I feel like some James Bond wanna be.

Lake Meredith

2005-03-22T20:42:00.000-08:00

I took this picture while on my way to Colorado today. This little lake is in the Texas panhandle. I use to play here as a boy. The water level significantly dropped since the last time I've camped here. Can you tell where the water level use to be? So sad.

On the Road

2005-03-21T10:35:00.000-08:00

Been pretty busy today. Have a three day trip planned for Denver, CO and then turning around and heading to east Texas for Easter.

Which brings up a certain subject for me. How do you feel about these pseudo pagan holidays? Do you stay completely away from them? Do you feel guilty hunting eggs, or hanging tree ornaments or dressing up for Halloween? I know several people on both sides of this fence.

Here's my take. I enjoy these holidays. To me, they are just like Memorial day or Independence Day. I enjoy them. I like to spook up my house on Halloween, I like to decorate a tree at Christmas, and I like to cook burgers on Memorial weekend. I also am looking forward to my little girl hunting eggs this weekend. They are no more pagan to me than Presidents Day. I feel that teaching my girl right from wrong and the morals of our God and how to be gentle with people is much more important than hunting eggs. Just my two cents.

I've Been Wondering

2005-03-18T06:23:00.000-08:00

How much of our brain are we suppose to use. I mean, what did God intend? Some experts say we use about 5% of our total capacity. Those stats remind me of Homer Simpson. Are we destined to walk around like Homer Simpson?

But I want to focus more on our life in relation to God. How many of you pray about most things in your life? Let me give a couple of examples. Are you the type who might be caught saying "Lord, help me decide if I should get the OJ or coffee this morning at the gas station?" OK, sorry for the bad example. Perhaps you pray "Lord, should I get this dvd player or save my money for now?" Still not serious enough? How about praying about buying a new vehicle? A new house?

I use to argue that our walk should be spiritual and that God wants to be involved or consulted on every decision. However, my stance never addressed the problem of not hearing God talk back. A good friend of mine understands the bible to be God's complete will for our life. Emphasis on complete. Ooo, we use to go around and around about this. However, I am coming around to his point of view.

I think there are those who may need to feel God is in every aspect of their life. Is this a crutch? Is this a bad thing? I have no idea. However, I don't guess I've ever heard God whisper in my ear. So I've quit asking. But, I can tell you there are certain events in my life that have led me down, I believe, God inspired paths. I've been laid off of jobs and as a result, gotten better ones. A great dane I owned led me to my wife. etc etc. I came to the conclusion that God kinda leads me if He needs my direction changed. I feel sorta like a kid learning to ride a bike. You know the picture, where the dad is running behind making sure you don't veer off and get smashed by a garbage truck or something.

So perhaps God wants us to use the brain He gave us. Maybe God says, "you figure it out", or "that's not important." Maybe God wants to be in every aspect of our life. Well, I see a path, and I go. But God kinda nudges me in one way or the other. I guess all I pray is "God, keep me safe and I'm sorry if I screw up." That's all I know to pray.

I am Voltron

2005-03-17T07:02:00.000-08:00

I used to love this guy as a kid. Well, I guess it was made of several guys. Anytime something from space would threaten the existence of this planet these guys would come to the rescue. Five different cat robots would fight the enemy, realize they couldn't do it as individuals, so they would join together into this giant robot, yelling "Voltron, defender of the universe!" I loved this cartoon as much as my chocolate chip cookies. I would pretend to slash at my enemies with this "blazing sword" for hours as a kid.

Well, unfortunately for me and those in my wake, I took this same cavalier attitude in my spiritual life. Anytime someone threatened my doctrine or beliefs, it was time to "FORM BLAZING SWORD!" As Voltron would say. I then would chop my enemies down until I felt like Leo Decaprio yelling, "I'm king of the world."

Needless to say (although I'll say it), I had the wrong attitude. Folks, although I have in the past, I don't pretend to know all the right answers. How can I? You see one godly preacher saying and believing one thing, you see another preaching something else. I don't imagine one is any less godly than the other. Yet, each feels spiritually led to a certain conclusion. Something about that forces me to let go of my pride. Which I think is a good thing.

2005-03-16T07:40:00.000-08:00

Here's my girl last fall.

First Timer

2005-03-16T07:31:00.000-08:00

My wife and I decided to go to the movies last night. We took our 22mnth old girl with us. It was her first time in the theater. She was so wonderful and such a little person sitting in her seat, drinking her little coke, and eating her popcorn.

What a blessing she is to me. The way she says my name, and hugs my neck, it just makes me melt. Seeing this little thing grow really makes me praise God. I pray that I can be the father I need to be for her.

I'll try getting a picture of her on here.

Commute

2005-03-15T06:31:00.000-08:00

Since I have graduated college, I have had a lengthy commute. My first job was an hour and forty minutes (one way) from home. My second job sat an hour and twenty minutes away. My third and current job sits right at an hour away. However, my company just announced it is moving its location into the town I live. Now I'll only be 15min from work.

Hallelujah. I am so sick of commuting for an hour twice a day. This should free up time to exercise, eat lunch with my wife, and will improve my quality of life a bit. Not to mention, save money.

2005-03-14T14:37:00.000-08:00

Picture of me at Terlingua.

2005-03-14T14:14:00.000-08:00

Here's a panoramic at a Texas A&M vs OU game from last fall. Digital camaras are really great.

2005-03-14T13:58:00.000-08:00

Back in November, I went on a camping trip to the Terlingua area in south Texas. Here's a nice picture of what we woke up to one morning.

2005-03-14T13:56:00.000-08:00

Here is my wife in the Austin Marathon. I'm in the background "supporting her."

Holy Moley

2005-03-14T06:24:00.000-08:00

Seemed like that's all I said Saturday.

I decided sometime during the week to head to a state park called Palo Duro Canyon. I think it's suppose to be the second largest canyon in the US. Anyway, forecasters predicted a great Saturday, so I decided to go. It's about 2 hours north from where I live but my dad's house is only about 20 minutes from the canyon. So I invited my mom and three younger sisters to go hiking with me. My wife was working so I took my little girl and let dad watch her while we hike.

Well, 6:00 am Saturday morning came with the clock radio in my ear. Holy moley, I felt like my eyes had closed for just a few moments. After a little orange juice and sunlight, I felt much better. So I get to dad's house. The girls were suppose to be waiting for me, but of course, were still half asleep and dragging. Holy moley, it took them forever to get ready.

So we finally get into the canyon and we're gonna hike to the top. I start the hike saying I had seen evidence of cougars, deer, goat, and various other wildlife, but never actually seen the wildlife. Big mistake. No sooner had I said that when on of the girls nearly steps on a snake. Holy moley, but it was just a bull snake, non-poisonous. So later we finally reach the top. That climb took the energy out of me. Another holy moley. After a quick snack we begin walking the rim to make our way back down. I lead the pack and start down this cutaway in a rock wall. I am about ten feet down from the top when something hisses at me. This hiss sounds like a dang wildcat, but I, aware of the surroundings, realize there's no place for a cat to hide here. Which leaves one animal, another snake. So I quickly turn around and start back up the cliff. That's when the rattling starts. I don't know if you have ever heard a rattlesnake's rattle. I have heard a few. It's not a speedy succession of noise, like a baby rattle. A rattler makes a somewhat slow, very distinguished sound. It's cadence is similar to a bartender making a shaken martini. Very calculated, very deliberate. Let's say, when a rattler is rattling, it's not a result of shaking with fear, it's trying to put the fear in you. Well, I would be lying if I told you I only said holy moley. I think an explicit word or two came out of my mouth. Something about snakes really spook me. I would rather encounter a four legged beast than a poisonous snake. I know, I know, the snake is probably more predictable than say a mountain lion. Either way, another holy moley. We eventually find another way down, see a deer on the way, but encounter nothing else. We get to the car, sit in the AC for a moment before leaving. Whew, holy moley that was a workout.

So on the drive back, the conversation turns to Christianity, as it so often does with my family. Well, I told my mom basically what my last couple of posts here have covered. I told her that I don't feel saved, I only have faith. I told her I have questioned much of what I was taught, just so I could be honest with myself. SHE AGREED WITH MUCH OF WHAT I SAID. She told me that her church recently built a gym on the premises. When they were deciding if to build, a person would stand up and say let's pray about it. My mom found that a bit irritating. She didn't think the person would get some holy revelation regarding the gym. She's not questioning God's ability to speak to people through or as a result of prayer. She simply wished people would be honest. Just say you want a gym to play in. Don't hem haw around about it. Don't pretend that you're being led by God to build a gym. Whether or not I agree with that sentiment, I was still amazed. Wow, she stunned me. I never expected that. Holy moley.

Know Thyself

2005-03-11T06:21:00.000-08:00

In my corner of the world, I see a shifting occuring in church. As I grew up, your denomination was everything. When someone asked who I was in regards to religion, I would answer, "Baptist." They might reply with Methodist or Church of Christ or any other of the numerous groups.

But as I entered college in the mid '90s, I started to notice a trend. More people would simply claim Christianity rather than a denomination and go to non-denomiational churches. I was one of those.

Well, now I see a new trend catching. Home churches. There seem to be a growing number of folks frustrated with the large churches. Perhaps it's the politics, or gossip, or judgemental attitudes, but some people are leaving. They are having church in their homes, with a group of likeminded individuals. In my city, there are several of these groups.

I think this trend will gain a little momentum. I believe my generation, who grew up in the eighties, have a desire to think for themselves. I think many others grew up in my world. I was handed my religious beliefs, my love for country, my desire to spread democracy, my political views, and numerous other things. We never were forced to think critically. Never had a major war. Just lived through the rumors of the Cold War. Things like pop music, Saturday morning cartoons, McDonalds, and Mary Lou Retton ruled my world. I believe the mass of my generation is sheding that skin in hopes of finding their own. I did. The recent growth of non-denominational churches and home churches demonstrates my point.

I guess my point is to encourage all to think critically. I don't believe it's wrong to question your thought process. I regularly visit another blog, www.noreligionnow.com. I find this guy's view of the world very interesting. Be forwarned, it's very anti-religion. I enjoy reading his material and we have very pleasant exchanges. What truly attracts me there is his desire for everyone to think. We all should. Figure out who your are, what you believe, why you believe. Be able to defend your stance. To quote from "The Matrix", "know thyself."

2Ti 2:15 MKJV
(15) Study earnestly to present yourself approved to God, a workman that does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the Word of Truth.

2005-03-10T09:18:00.000-08:00

So it's been awhile since my last post. I guess you could say I have been having a Moses time. I have withdrawn from the Christian community and gone up the mountain, so to speak. I needed to get honest with myself about my faith and beliefs. I see those as two separate things. Does that make sense? I think we can have faith in the saving grace of Jesus, but still question our beliefs.

Well, I told God flat out that I didn't feel Him. I don't feel the Holy Spirit inside. I don't have much reason at all, really, to have faith in Him. I have this old book with a bunch of stories, and a world full of people that say they believe in basically the same things. I told God I had to be honest and step away a try to look at this from the outside. See I grew up in a Christian home, and sometimes I feel as if I simply believe because that's what I was taught. I needed to rethink this whole thing, if I was going to be honest with myself and others.

What I found scared me a little. It basically seemed ridiculous. We trust in this book of stories, passed down through centuries. In my pragmatic mind, the bible is like a giant fairy tale. It's like I have put my faith in The Lord of the Rings. I told God this. It scared me how silly we sound. My dad is a very realistic fellow. He watches westerns, some comedy, but has no use for fantasy, sci-fi, or anything not grounded in the real world. Well, the idea that he believes in this bible and all it's stories struck me as odd. So there I was, looking at the idea of Christianity as an odd and a fairy tale of a belief system. But let me fast forward to where I am at now.

I hold on to my faith in Jesus. I won't say my faith is strong, I won't say I believe "without a shadow of a doubt", to use a detesting phrase an old pastor of my used to get people saved. And don't ask me why I have faith. I won't be able to answer. I just do. Perhaps because I need some sort of hope. It certainly isn't because of warm and fuzzy feelings I have or any revelations from God. I certainly haven't seen the Red Sea part. But nonetheless, I hold on to my faith.

As I have started reentering the Christian scene with these thoughts, I am finding others in the exact same boat as me. They have faith simply to have faith. No special touch from God needed to believe. Perhaps this is the purest form of faith there is. Faith without any cause to believe. Although I thought this faith weak, and fragile, thinking the smallest wave could crush it, I am finding it to be extraordinarily resilient, and somewhat untouchable. For if I belief simply for no good reason, what could tear that from me?

Well, perhaps I'll go into more detail later about some of my thoughts during the past few months.

In Christ,
Cory

Rebuilding

2005-03-10T08:16:00.000-08:00

So it's been awhile since my last post. I guess you could say I have been having a Moses time. I have withdrawn from the Christian community and gone up the mountain, so to speak.
I needed to get honest with myself about my faith and beliefs. I see those as two separate things. Does that make sense? I think we can have faith in the saving grace of Jesus, but still question our beliefs.

Well, I told God flat out that I didn't feel Him. I don't feel the Holy Spirit inside. I don't have much reason at all, really, to have faith in Him. I have this old book with a bunch of stories, and a world full of people that say they believe in basically the same things. I told God I had to be honest and step away a try to look at this from the outside. See I grew up in a Christian home, and sometimes I feel as if I simply believe because that's what I was taught. I needed to rethink this whole thing, if I was going to be honest with myself and others.

What I found scared me a little. It basically seemed ridiculous. We trust in this book of stories, passed down through centuries. In my pragmatic mind, the bible is like a giant fairy tale. It's like I have put my faith in The Lord of the Rings. I told God this. It scared me how silly we sound. My dad is a very realistic fellow. He watches westerns, some comedy, but has no use for fantasy, sci-fi, or anything not grounded in the real world. Well, the idea that he believes in this bible and all it's stories struck me as odd.

So there I was, looking at the idea of Christianty as an odd and a fairy tale of a belief system. But let me fast forward to where I am at now. I hold on to my faith in Jesus. I won't say my faith is strong, I won't say I believe "without a shadow of a doubt", to use a detesting phrase an old pastor of my used to get people saved.

And don't ask me why I have faith. I won't be able to answer. I just do. Perhaps because I need some sort of hope. It certainly isn't becuase of warm and fuzzy feelings I have or any revelations from God. I certainly haven't seen the Red Sea part. But nonetheless, I hold on to my faith. As I have started renetering the Christian scene with these thoughts, I am finding others in the exact same boat as me. They have faith simply to have faith. No special touch from God needed to believe.

Perhaps this is the purest form of faith there is. Faith without any cause to believe. Although I thought this faith weak, and fragile, thinking the smallest wave could crush it, I am finding it to be extraordinarily resilient, and somewhat untouchable. For if I belive simply for no good reason, what could tear that from me?

Well, perhaps I'll go into more detail later about some of my thoughts during the past few months.

In Christ,
Cory

SPAM (Scripture's Powerful Ageless Messages)

2004-11-10T06:56:00.000-08:00

SPAM LIGHTING THE WAY: JUST PASSING THROUGH

Joh 17:16 MKJV
(16) They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.

Jesus prays to God for us in John 17. Within that prayer, Jesus says the above words. Do you have an idea of the "big picture?" God who is the Alpha and Omega, was and shall be forever, created us to praise and have fellowship with him. We broke that bond with sin and God has been pining for us to remain close to him since. God then sent his son to be the worthy sacrifice so that we all may be in fellowship with God through Jesus. One day, we will not live in a world of sin and sorrow, but will be made perfect through Jesus. This world will pass away and all things made new.....THIS WORLD WILL PASS AWAY. Ask God to prioritize your life every day, so that you don't lose sight of the big picture. We were created to have fellowship with God, sin gets in the way. Our flesh gets in the way. In our walk, let's try to bring as many to Christ as we can. If a friend was on the edge of a cliff, but could not see it, wouldn't you warn them? Well, we have been commissioned by Jesus to warn others of an eternal life without God. Tell them that someday our body will die, but our soul will live on. We are only passing through but have come to fork in the road. One leads to eternal life and the other to damnation. Are we leading any down the right path? Are we even on the path so that others might see? Praise God for His eternal self and thank Him for extending that eternal life to us through Jesus.

In Christ,

Time Keeps on Ticking

2004-11-09T13:31:00.000-08:00

So another couple of weeks go by. I've been extremely busy and distracted lately. See, fall is my favorite time of year. My wife and I make an annual trek down to Texas A&M for a ball game. We just got back from the OU game down there. Maybe I'll get a picture or two up from that. The weekend before, I was in the Terlingua, TX area camping with family. I have a few pics of that also.

To be honest, my spiritual walk hasn't been steady lately. I struggle to pray, haven't opened a bible in a while, and certainly haven't been to church in several weeks. It's hard sometimes.

But I can rest in the Lord and have been. I keep my faith in Him and His mercy. There are somethings my mind has been wrestling lately. I struggle with the idea that God is in control of all. I don't question that He is but I don't understand His reasoning for doing what He does. Let me see if I can explain myself.

Sometimes, a person gets miraculously rescued from some life or death situation. Perhaps an agent of God foils a robbery or something similar. We all say "praise God." But why would God choose to save one particular person over others who might be in the same situation and end up dead? I know I am nothing and shouldn't question God, but I still wonder.

Someone once told me that God weaves a big picture and we only see a portion of the backside. You know the side where all the thread is going every-which-way. I guess I can accept that. But still, don't you wonder?

Some say all these increasing earthquakes and hurricanes and Mt St Helens are warnings from God. I simply see people dying. I guess death belongs to God as life does. It doesn't always make sense to me though. We praise God for being all merciful and loving and caring, but yet lay the deaths and sorrow due to nature on His hands. Sometimes unwittingly.

I don't understand. I don't think I ever will. I do have faith and I hold on to my faith like crazy. I trust God to do what's fair and just. Sometimes I think this is what Christianity is all about.

More later,

In Christ,

Cory

Time Flies

2004-10-22T07:42:00.000-07:00

Wow, has it been a week already since my last post? Sorry folks, my home computer got infected and shut down. It's much harder to post from work.

Basically, I've been blowin' an goin' for the past week. I have so much I want to talk about. Until I get to it though, here's a few items I want to hit:

1) Are we nearing the end? Many think prophecy is being fulfilled now. What do you think?
2) Friday Night Lights, now one of my favorites for many reasons
3) Considering trying out for semi-pro football - may make a separate blog
4) Starting a book - also may be another blog

You can see I've been busy but I'll pick up the slack shortly.

God Bless

Give it Up

2004-10-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

So I have been struggling lately. I head a song on Air 1 radio that spoke to me. The song reflected on a man who hadn't prayed in a week. A man who was really stumbling and struggling with his relationship with Christ.

I guess that's me the past few days. Distractions tend to get me....well.....distracted. I have been on the road traveling, my wife has been on emergency call (she's a vet), I have been rereading an old book, Friday Night Lights, and it just seems I am always preoccupied with something.

Not that any of this is an excuse. But yet, I have been excused. It's humbling. To know that I have been forgiven of sin, yet I don't deserve it. I guess this is what gets me down. When I "get distracted" and let my relationship with Jesus slide, I tend to get down on myself. I tell myself not to try again; that I will only hurt the One I am trying to please. And, I will role in this stinkhole for sometimes days, and sometimes years. But, then it hits me.

I believe the problem is two-fold, and strangely enough, would only be made apparent through my fall.

FIRST I SET MYSELF UP: I start growing in the Lord. I dive into His word, and spend time on my knees. I begin to feel invincible, and rightly so.

Phi 4:13 MKJV (13) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Soon, though, I neglect something, maybe it's a scheduled prayer time, or study time. But it's ok, remember Phil 4:13. Oh man, I just lost the meaning of the verse. I just cut out the second half. But it doesn't register right away. So I begin neglecting the relationship. Then I find myself in sin. Perhaps it's not having patience with people, not loving my enemies, or maybe something more serious. At some point though, I'll come to the realization that I am not living the way I should.

THIS STARTS MY SECOND PROBLEM: I realize I need to straighten up. I ask myself, "Why?" If I'm just going to fail, why try? Why hurt the One I am trying to serve. So I start to give up. (It's not until later I realize the wrongness of this argument. I'll explain in a minute.)
I usually completely quit walking with the Lord. I quit. But then the Holy Spirit begins to talk to me. He urges me to talk to Him. I try to ignore it but eventually I succumb. Sometimes it only takes a couple of days, like this week. Sometimes it takes a few years.

But it doesn't stop there. I am dumb I guess. I'll try to get it right. I try to do what's right, but I miserably fail. Sometimes this will send me further into the abyss. But sometimes, I see the light quickly, such as this week.

See, there is nothing you or I can do to better our position in God's eyes. We were so hopelessly in the abyss, that God sacrificed His son, so that we wouldn't have to work our way out. We got a free ride out. We simply have to trust in Jesus. So I humble myself before God, tell Jesus He is my only hope, and drop into His arms.

Now I get it. First, I must realize that my only hope is Jesus. I remember the second half of Phil 4:13. This is the only reason I am able to have a change in my life. I proved I can't do it on my own. Secondly, I must hold on to the humbleness. Spending time on my knees helps. Sometimes gazing into space helps. Anything to keep me humbled.

Folks, I hope these words might help you. Give it up. At whatever point in your walk with Jesus, remember to give it up...to Him that is.

In Christ

SPAM (Scripture's Powerful Ageless Messages): Know the Signs

2004-10-11T08:03:00.000-07:00

SPAM LIGHTING THE WAY: KNOWING THE SIGNS

Mat 12:38-40 MKJV
(38) Then certain of the scribes and of the Pharisees answered, saying, Master, we want to see a sign from you.
(39) But He answered and said to them, An evil and adulterous generation seeks after a sign. And there shall be no sign given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah.
(40) For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the huge fish, so the Son of Man shall be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.

The above scripture relates the exchange of volleys from the Pharisees and Jesus. Pharisees required Jesus to show a sign from Heaven to prove Himself. However, if the Pharisees would refuse the signs already given to them, why would another sign change their minds? Jesus very directly answered them that His sign would be the that of Jonah. Jonah was taken to the belly of a fish which he described with the Hebrew word Sheol which means refers to the world of the dead or hell. He then was delivered from the fish back with the living at the town of Nineveh and upon hearing Jonah speak, Nineveh repented.

Jon 3:5 MKJV
(5) And the people of Nineveh believed God. And they called a fast, and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them even to the least of them.

However, contrary to Nineveh's repentance of seeing and hearing Jonah, Jesus tells the Pharisees will not heed even this sign saying,

Mat 12:41 MKJV
(41) The men of Nineveh shall rise in judgment with this generation, and shall condemn it, because they repented at the proclaiming of Jonah, and behold, One greater than Jonah is here.

If the Pharisees had been students in the scripture, they would understand Daniel's prophecies concerning Jesus's death and resurrection and that it was at hand. Daniel proclaimed many prophesies which detailed even the day Jesus would rise again. However, the Pharisees in their unbelief of the Word of God through Daniel, would not consider a present sign from Jesus, nor would they repent after Jesus rose from the dead. Jesus then left the Pharisees in their unbelief, not trying to convince the foolish.

We don't go out trying to ensnare Jesus in some malicious and unGodly request to prove himself with a sign. But do you sometimes sit around in times of trouble or maybe just loneliness, looking and asking for a sign from God, expecting some miraculous tower of fire from heaven? Look at all the miracles and wonders around you. The Word of God shows prophecies made thousands of years ago that have already happened. Do we need more signs from God? Don't fall into the same trap as the Pharisees. Ask God to reveal himself through His Word to you. Praise him for the miracles already in your life. Believe in Him, stop doubting and run the race as Paul talks about. Don't doubt for one minute those prophecies yet to be filled in the end times. Be prepared for you have been told through His Word.

Mat 24:44 MKJV
(44) Therefore you also be ready, for in that hour you think not, the Son of Man comes.

In Christ

Trust in the Lord

2004-10-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

I'm a salesman and it requires a bit of windshield time. Today I was driving back from visiting a customer about three hours north of me. I was on a four lane divided highway and just starting the drive back home.

A Jeep Wagoneer passed me on the left and I saw the rear passenger tire kick up something. Now in slow motion I watch this object flip over and over and into my lane. I was just hanging up my cell phone when it hit the windshield. I instantly put my free arm up to cover my face. Glass then showered the cab of the company truck I was driving.

I pulled over to survey the damage. The object had not come all the way through the windshield but there were several new cracks and a hole. I looked on the hood and the object was still sitting there. It looked to be a section of a large concrete cutter blade. Needless to say it was sharp and had no problem slicing the windshield. Wow.

I first wanted to contemplate the closeness of sever injury and how I narrowly escaped death. But then I simply thanked God for always taking care of me. Sometimes you just have to trust in God to take care of you regardless of the outside circumstances. Know that in death comes our greatest reward and in life, our greatest task. In all, we are to trust in God to care for us. Think of Daniel or Job. They both had to come to this realization.

2Sa 22:3
(3) The God who is my Rock, in Him will I trust. He is my Shield, and the Horn of my salvation, my High Tower, and my Refuge, my Savior. You save me from violence.

In Christ

Tearing Them Down

2004-10-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

I have been reading through the book of Job. I am about halfway through. Basically it's about a man, Job, and the testing of his faith of God. Job was a righteous man, and had a comfortable life. God allows Satan to take it away from Job, to prove his faith.

Job loses his family, friends, health, basically his life. But Job has these three counselors. These counselors, in trying to help Job, insult him by insinuating that Job is getting what he deserves. They accuse Job of having sin and Job accuses them of simply tearing him down further. Job gets in this huge debate with them and the arguments get more inflammatory as they go.

Well, let me give a huge I'M SORRY to anyone who I have tried to make feel better but only made things worse. I could have listened to Job and just been silent. I have struggled with this very issue in the past. Sometimes I have acted as if I had all the answers and had an opinion about everything. Typically I make things worse. Well, more often than not, I should just keep my mouth shut.

Instead of trying to give wisdom, or talking on God's behalf, how about giving a hug, or saying we understand their frustration.

In Christ

If All was Irrelevant

2004-10-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

I read on a blog, and I have seen the idea before, that religion is tearing this world apart. The article questioned the freedom Christianity gives.

Some argue that having faith or religious beliefs is a crutch of the mind, or even chains on the mind. I have been asked to wake up and see the world for what it is, and understand that faith keeps us from enjoying life. Some argue that we chain ourselves down with faith to feel more comfortable with our narrow mindedness or prejudices. I have heard it said that religion simply comforts those that can't deal with reality.

So what is freedom? The Bible tells us

Joh 8:32 MKJV
(32) And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

Isn't that what everyone is searching for? Truth?

So, in a purely world view, are Christians better off in this world in their faith? I was driving home last night thinking about life. What if you knew there was no afterlife? Would this make life on earth personally more satisfying? Does it make you more free? Let me illustrate my view.

If there is no afterlife, I am suddenly free to do as I please without eternal consequence. No set of morals are true anymore. But then think about the constraints of this world. We are forced to go to school. We are forced to work for food and shelter. We are forced to follow the rules. If we don't follow these guidelines, there would be immediate consequences, no food, no home, maybe even prison. And for what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Suddenly I feel suffocated. Life is simply to die. To be good means nothing, to be bad means nothing. Sounds hopeless. Life without morals, and without hope, but the ability to understand both, would lead to suicide for most.

What would be the purpose of helping someone, going out your way? It means nothing. Someone might say, "it's just nice," but who is to say what's nice? Where did you get that idea? Are you born with it? Were you taught it?

If the world suddenly knew there was no afterlife, in just a few generations, we would be reduced to snarling animals simply fulfilling desires. If many believe in an afterlife, and we still have the corruption we have today, what would change if no one believed in an afterlife? Corruption, greed, crime, selfishness would abound. (for the sake of arguing, let's say religion spawns morals.) See, life without morals is a destructive path. Even life with contradicting morals only gets you so far. Not everyone will have the same set of morals. That's our problem today. What's good for the goose won't be good for the gander.

Why? Because I believe it is only our thoughts of morality and goodness, which are bred from faith, that keep people in check. But if our faith is not in the same things, we will have strife.

This is a very worldly view of faith and it's affect and benefit on the world.

SPAM (Scripture's Powerful Ageless Messages): A Servant Seeking Redemtion

2004-09-30T07:43:00.000-07:00

SPAM LIGHTING THE WAY: A SERVANT SEEKING REDEMPTION

In perhaps the most personal look into Paul's life, the epistle of Philemon reveals a very real scenario in which Paul intercedes for a converted servant.

The servant, Onesimus, had somehow wronged his master, Philemon. Onesimus found Paul in prison in Rome. Paul led him to Christ and redemption, and to mend all ends, decides to send Onesimus back to Philemon to once again serve him. This epistle, though very short in nature, exemplifies numerous traits in which we should approach one another, especially in times where wrongs may have been done.

First, Paul approaches Philemon, a fellow "labourer" or believer in Christ, with thanks and praise for the work he has done for Jesus.

Phm 1:4-5 MKJV
(4) I thank my God, making mention of you always in my prayers,
(5) hearing of your love and faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints,

Paul then clarified that he does not approach Philemon in a spirit of right vs wrong but through love for Onesimus.

Phm 1:8-9 MKJV
(8) Therefore, having much boldness in Christ to enjoin you to do the fitting thing;
(9) rather through love I entreat, being such a one as Paul the aged, and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ.

Paul then describes leading Onesimus to Jesus, enjoying receiving ministry from him. But knows he must send Onesimus back, but not as a servant but as a brother in Christ.

Phm 1:14-16 MKJV
(14) But without your consent I was willing to do nothing, that your good should not be of necessity, but willingly.
(15) For perhaps because of this he was separated from you for an hour, that you should receive him eternally,
(16) not now as a slave, but beyond a slave, a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.

Paul offers to pay for any wrongs the delinquent servant may have caused. The receiving of Onesimus will refresh Paul's heart in the Lord. And Paul then wrote,

Phm 1:21 MKJV
(21) Trusting to your obedience, I wrote to you, knowing that you will do even beyond what I say.

Philemon is reminded that Paul, through Philemon's prayers, hopes to return and stay with him. Paul then wishes God's grace him.

This scripture exemplifies to us the very deliberate and thoughtful ways we should approach each other. Not every situation requires a "You need to do the right thing" declaration, but an approach filled with love and personal appeals. I was also reminded of how Jesus sits at the right hand of God and intercedes for us. I have to imagine Paul's interceding shares many qualities with that of Jesus.

Rom 8:34 MKJV
(34) Who is he condemning? It is Christ who has died, but rather also who is raised, who is also at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.

Never forget to praise God for those believers around you, and just as important, let us tell those we are praying for them. Approach our brothers and sisters with love and guidance from God.

In Christ Jesus,

God Knows

2004-09-29T12:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get caught up in the here and now, trying to do things for God. I have to sit often and realize I am simply a vessel. He will guide me, He will show me. I never need to worry as long as He is at the helm. This link reflects often of my own train of thought.

http://gracethroughjesus.blogspot.com/2004/09/i-do-not-know.html

Internet Evagelism Day?

2004-09-29T07:29:00.000-07:00

Wow, check out this article about a day dedicated to internet evangelism.

http://wolves.typepad.com/godblog/2004/09/internet_evange.html

I am obviously excited as I see my site a small light shining on the internet.

What's the Problem

2004-09-28T12:56:00.000-07:00

So I keep reading about religious ideals being removed from government facilities. I'm not interested in a discussion about separation of church and state. But, is there a growing distaste for Christians?

Is the movement to take commandments out of state buildings and removing crosses from city seals and attack on Christianity? I hear of a city allowing the Islamic call to prayer play over public loudspeakers, but yet "one nation under God" is under attack. Should Christians be concerned? Is this a simply question of the constitution or a general dislike for Christianity?

Christians might claim this is a subtle attack completely devised by satan. Some might say we have always been under attack in such manners. Well I have another viewpoint.

I think the Christian sect is filled with hypocrites and pretenders. I think some of the secular world's problem with us is caused by us. How about the group in Kansas that preaches "God hates fags" or the folks that bomb abortion clinics in the name of God.

The gospel (Greek for good news) is just that, good news. Some Christians try very hard to convey the idea that we are no different from other people, just forgiven. That's it. We simply hold to the idea that Jesus was God incarnate on earth and died to pay the final sacrifice for mankind. Now, we simply believe in Him as our Lord, and we shall be saved. That's it.

But no, there have to be those that preach you HAVE to act a certain way, and HAVE to do certain things. Guess what? Read Galatians. Paul had a lot to say about this idea. We are saved by grace and should walk by grace.

Mat 7:3 And why do you look on the splinter that is in your brother's eye, but do not consider the beam that is in your own eye?

So why do Christians feel like they can promote Christianity by preaching for others to be good? Especially when we can't be good ourselves. I believe this attitude damages the spread of Christianity.

We should present a gospel of love. We are no different than anyone. We are all sinners and all need the saving grace of Jesus.

Please embrace the grace given to you by Jesus. Spread that grace to others.

Rom 3:23-24
(23) for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God,
(24) being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus;

In Christ

Where OH Where?

2004-09-27T13:44:00.000-07:00

It's funny how easily I can get distracted from studying God's word.

I usually study during lunch. I like to sit in my car at a local park and study. I'll have 4 different versions of the bible and really get in depth. I even bought this pen from the Christian book store. This pen is one of those multi function gadgets. It has a red, blue, and black pen, red highlighter, stylus, and pencil. I use it to color code my bible such as red for God's warnings, blue for his promises, etc.

An author that I like, Terry Brooks, just came out with a new book. I have been waiting for it to hit the shelves and promptly picked it up. I told myself I should only read it at night, saving lunch for studying. Well, at about the same time, I lost my pen. Man, I have to find it. . So now I am reading his book at lunch and haven't cracked the bible except for church.

I am temporarily distracted. Sometimes my dogmatic side comes out. I have ignored the study time because I can't find the pen to highlight wisdom I might come across. You get the joke? In order not to miss highlighting the good passages, I quit reading the passage until said pen is found. Is that not ironic.

Well, I bought another pen in the interim. However, I am over halfway through the book so have decided to finish it and get it out of the way.

Oh where, oh where has my little pen gone?

2004-09-26T12:10:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning at 5am to Audrey's crying. I walked into her room and stepped on wet carpet. I figured one of the cats or dogs urinated on the floor. I picked my girl up and her hair was all wet. I turned on the light and she had vomit all over her. We cleaned her up and after vomiting twice more, she finally went back to sleep. What a morning.

SPAM (Scripture's Powerful Ageless Messages): God's Covenant

2004-09-25T23:20:00.001-07:00

SPAM LIGHTING THE WAY: GOD'S COVENANT WITH KING DAVID

David was brought into power by the Lord over the tribes of Israel during a period of war and separation of the land of Israel. However, through a certain set of sequence only the Lord could orchestrate, all the tribes came to David to pledged their loyalty to the kingdom of David and Israel.

David then brought the Ark of the Covenant into the City of David. However, David wished to build a house for the Lord and Ark of the Covenant to dwell in. The Lord then set up what is known as the seventh covenant with David and his descendants, saying through the prophet Nathan,

2Sa 7:12-16 KJV
(12) And when thy days be fulfilled, and thou shalt sleep with thy fathers, I will set up thy seed after thee, which shall proceed out of thy bowels, and I will establish his kingdom.
(13) He shall build an house for my name, and I will stablish the throne of his kingdom for ever. (14) I will be his father, and he shall be my son. If he commit iniquity, I will chasten him with the rod of men, and with the stripes of the children of men:
(15) But my mercy shall not depart away from him, as I took it from Saul, whom I put away before thee.
(16) And thine house and thy kingdom shall be established for ever before thee: thy throne shall be established for ever.

The above is a very prophetic statement about the coming kingdom of not only the house of David through Solomon, who did build the temple to set the covenant, but of Jesus the Messiah and his eventual reign upon the earth. Jesus, is traced in bloodline as a descendant of David. More prophets would eventually give additional details of the "Son of David, Jesus Christ, who would fulfill and complete this covenant. This prophecy serves as one of the first of many concerning the coming of the Messiah promised in the Covenant made between the Lord God and Israel in the passage above.

I praise God for allowing those who are not of Jewish decent to benefit from God's everlasting covenant with the House of David and the seeds of Abraham through Jesus Christ. Through faith and grace are we all saved, not only those of the law (Jews) but those of the faith

Rom 4:16 KJV
(16) Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace; to the end the promise might be sure to all the seed; not to that only which is of the law, but to that also which is of the faith of Abraham; who is the father of us all,

Never forget the Lord's promise that we, who believe in faith in Jesus, shall live under his throne for ever. Give thanks for the love God gives us and the promises he keeps. Hold fast to the Lord's commandments, repent and believe in Jesus, so that we all may have assurance we will live eternally in Heaven with Jesus our Lord.

In Jesus Christ,

Cory

Saw the Passion of the Christ

2004-09-25T21:18:00.000-07:00

Ok, I finally saw this movie. To be honest, I wasn't excited to see it, nor was I even sure I wanted to see it. I understand what my Lord did for me and I walk under that grace. I don't know that I need it to be visualized for me to appreciate it. However, I thought I should see it. I needed to be able to speak about the movie with nonbelievers.

It didn't wrench my heart or bring me to tears. I almost got angry if anything. It also makes me ashamed. Ashamed of the sinner that I am. There is nothing about me, in my eyes, that deserves our Lord to die so that I might live. We don't deserve this love, people. We don't deserve to be able to boldly approach the throne. Try as hard as you can, you will never be worthy on your own merit.

We have to be under God's grace through Jesus. This is our only way to salvation, freedom, to life. This is the greatest gift of all. Oh how God loves us to shed His blood so that we might all be able to come under His grace. Oh how wretched we must be that our Lord had to shed His blood on the cross that we might come under His grace.

I think this movie made a subtle impact on me. The type that will linger with me for a long time. Some of the images I saw, I will never forget.

Searching

2004-09-23T12:47:00.000-07:00

So I've been living in Lubbock over three years now and still haven't found a church home. I guess I'm a little ashamed of this. Not specifically because I haven't been attending church regular but because it's more reflective of the state my life has been in.

Something's changed though. My little girl is 17mnths old. When I found out we were having a baby, some fatherly instincts kicked in. I knew I need her raised in a spiritual home. A church home would aid this cause. So Kim and I decided to start looking for a church after Audrey was born.

But there is something I can point to that really got me fire up about Jesus again. Sometime in May, Kim began reading those Left Behind books by Tim LaHaye. I kinda scoffed at it, thinking he was cashing in by taking an idea and spreading it across twelve books. But eventually, being a reader myself, I picked it up. Well, that book spoke to me. God showed me a group of people without hope, but with the truth. They knew Jesus was their only hope in salvation. So they began getting together and earnestly seeking His wisdom.

I instantly wanted what they had. I wanted a passion for Christ, and I wanted a group of believers to share that passion with.

God has led me to a bible church here. It's fantastic. It's ironic though: they are in between pastors, have a church body of about 60, they don't even have a Sunday school, but I am so drawn to them. I guess it's the non-judgmental attitude permeating throughout the building. I wore a t-shirt to church for the first time since I was a kid. I wear sandals every Sunday. The church doesn't take notes on your attendance and bug you about it. It's laid back, full of love, full of grace, and led by the Spirit. It's like I found a hidden gem buried in the sand.

So I may have found a church home. I am so thankful the search may be over.

I Dream of Jesus

2004-09-23T06:18:00.000-07:00

I had this dream the other night. I don't think it was prophetic, but it was very real to me. I say it wasn't prophetic because it was stuck in the middle of other dreams that night. But it was still a good one. Here goes...

I was walking down a residential street with my dad. We were talking, dressed in summer clothes, and just going along happy. There weren't many people around. In fact, I don't remember any. The day was warm but not sunny. It seemed overcast, not uncommon for my dreams. Snowflakes started falling. These were not ordinary snowflakes but big giant ones, like what you might have made in elementary school, about the size of your hand. They were falling as gently as snow can, and were white as white can be. I could see the intricate detail, and they were all different. Dad and I held out our hands and caught several of them.

I then noticed flashing lights in the sky. They had sort of the same brilliance as a "falling star". They were orange as they flew, and had a orange tail behind them. But these were going up, and there were countless numbers of them. They seemed distant but very visible. We looked around and suddenly were surrounded by them. We watched this for a few seconds and I remember my heart beating fast. I was pretty sure what was going to happen next. Dad and I just stood there without words. It was if we both knew eachother's thoughts. There were no words to express what was welling up in our hearts. Words would probably taint the moment.

Suddenly I was in the air heading for the clouds. I looked around and there were no more orange "stars" falling up. Now the sky was filled with white "stars" ascending. I realized at that point the orange were the "dead first" and the white were those still alive. The feeling of being lifted up, snatched, is indescribable. I know how Enoch must have felt.

As I reached the clouds, a figure came from the clouds. I instantly knew this was Jesus, but it was not the classic figure of Jesus. In fact, it was a lion's head with human arms stretched out across the sky receiving us. It was pure comfort. The scene was sky blue mixed with clouds and was.....perfect, without a better word.

I was then just sort of hanging in the clouds with a huge crowd. The throne was there as were other creatures. We were waiting for Jesus to head back to earth and take reign. Then it ended.

I am getting shivers just remembering this dream. Have you ever been so excited about something, say a trip to disney world as a kid, maybe a friday night highschool football game you are playing in, or maybe just a particular rollercoaster ride? Do you know the feeling of when it was finally in front of you, everything you had been hoping for and imagining was for real? It seems almost as if your still dreaming: all that anticipation let loose into reality.

That is the feeling I had. And talk about the joy. I could hardly fathom it, everything we learn about living with Jesus without satan in the background, finally fulfilled. What an amazing dream this was. I wish I could share it with you. I guess in a way, I just did.

Picture

2004-09-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

I hope to get more pictures up when I get holt of a dig camera.

SPAM (Scripture's Powerful Ageless Messages): Know Jesus

2004-09-22T14:36:00.000-07:00

King Nebuchadnezzar asked for the "wise" in his Judea kingdom to interpret a dream of his. But to be a credible interpretation, the dream had to be described, then interpreted. His heathen magicians came to him and said "there is no man upon the earth that can tell the king's matter." The king got mad and ordered all wise men to be killed. Daniel, considered a wise man, asked for the king's ear before his own death. Before meeting the king, Daniel was given the dream and interpretation from the Lord. Realizing, alone, he is no better than the magicians, he said the following....

Dan 2:20-23
(20) ...Blessed be the name of God forever and ever: for wisdom and might are his:
(21) And he changeth the times and the seasons: he removeth kings, and setteth up kings: he giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that know understanding:
(22) He revealeth the deep and secret things: he knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him.
(23) I thank thee, and praise thee, O thou God of my fathers, who hast given me wisdom and might, and hast made known unto me now what we desired of thee: for thou hast now made known unto us the king's matter.

Those without Jesus, can never know God and his wisdom. Only those who walk with Jesus and seek his council will know God. We should all be continuously seeking God's wisdom, admitting our own is fragmented and flawed. Give thanks to Jesus for the chance to personally seek God and gain his wisdom.

Moving the First Stone on a Mountain

2004-09-22T13:55:00.000-07:00

Here goes....my first post and trial at blogging. testing......1.....2....3....testing.......

2004-09-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

Nope, not a doctor.